You Could Do Worse

The bag says “all shapes and sizes”, but really, a pepper is a pepper. This Basics product should be a no-brainer to the cost-conscious pepper lover, as a bag of six peppers for only £1.48 is a steal. And if you’re lucky, you might get a bag with no greens! Sure, some of the peppers are small, others are a bit dirty, and even more are lopsided, but when cut up (and thoroughly washed) who can tell the difference?

I’m sure the Sainsbury’s Basics marketing people were working late last night, after the news that the EU is lifting the ban on selling less-than-perfect produce. Expect to see a cornucopia of new Basics, including carrots, cucumbers, asparagus and garlic. With the addition of 26 new Basics fodder, the marketing team is going to have to put in some overtime to come up with snappy slogans. I’ve decided to help them out with a few ideas of my own:

Carrots: Knobbly but nice

Onions: Nothing to cry about

Beans: Will still make you toot

Garlic: Strange shape, still smelly

Mushrooms: At least we washed the shit off!

There are still 11 fruits and vegetables that are lovingly protected by the EU, so don’t expect to see any unappetising apples, unsightly strawberries, or loathsome lettuce anytime soon. Personally I’m glad—we can’t let the world think we’ve gotten rid of all of our standards, can we?